i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I will be naked everywhere
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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