WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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