I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
