R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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