She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
