so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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