Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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