Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
