I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Say something about gay babies.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
