i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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