I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
we should paint friendship bongs
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