And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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