This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
