I must be too annoying 4 u.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
