Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
