I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
