You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
