It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
