Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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