i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
