clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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