I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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