so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
