He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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