you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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