Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
