He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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