My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
