ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
