We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
