I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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