the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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