somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
