normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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