someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
