Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
