is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
