I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
if only i could text you this smell
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
