Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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