oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
