Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
