I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
