4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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