My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
