The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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