You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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