i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
