Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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