new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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