I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
